What's it like to grow up... in Northern Africa , or even Australia today?

Young Somalian woman and I spent a few hours sharing our stories on a long train trip recently. Nothing like totally open conversation between complete strangers to get your perspective and have a good laugh . Nothing like a long train journey to get beyond the chicken feed that makes up too many of our 2 minute conversations; Thanks Naomi (not real name).   We both live right out in the bush and it takes hours to get home from the big smoke.
This week I had the privilege of openly sharing with a young woman who had spent her child hood in war torn Somalia,  but at 29 had now lived most of her life in Victoria.
Despite being brought up in a strict Muslim household, she was like most women of her age in Australia ,she had rejected the idea of celebacy and celebrated in words at least , the freedom of singleness. It wascelar though that she wanted children and was downright afraid of the commitment of marriage, having broke relationships off many times.
Like most women of her age and attitude though, I was afraid for her.  I was afraid for her because her attitude  was not one that clearly built towards the dreams of an independent identity and bringing up children .
Her girlfriends,  it turned out , not unexpectedly from their point of view, were having children deliberately without a man by their side( like 33% of women in Australia today)  All that freedom didn't look like much progress to me . With all her obvious talent, wit and good sense  a good partnership of any kind seemed better  than being "Outnumbered"( that scary but true TV series) .
 "I don't think you would be saying that IVF is the way to go when you have only that pram in your hand " I said; She laughed. She shared with me the terrible names that young women got these days for being easy and it hurt because I knew it from the men's side .   The sexual revolution is a con that only brings both parties down ( "All women are whores and All men are bastards")  I knew that for both young men and women who had been taken in by the con  there was , without faith , a high risk that this lowered view of each other could keep both the young man and woman of today apart .They have less reason , they think,  to get married, so they don't ..
Her younger sister did what daddy wanted and got an arranged marriage. At 14,  Naomi wasn't going to have any of that and told her father so - they haven't talked since.
Her aunties, on the other hand,  were legally partnering one man and making the most of it , each getting a necklace when the other one did . Hearing the options of marriage in her culture I kind of went a bit quiet for a while- that is - about advocating a high view of marriage . Mind you , by asking,  I got her to admit,  by reflecting on the good times,  that even though being a wife of many might not be much fun , marriages and family of any married kind,  wasn't all bad .The trick is to better appreciate how it can really work,  not just name it as a "solution" for either side . Infact,  the more she talked of these 2 wives ,  the more we both realised that we and others would enjoy being  in that household , most of the time  . Sisters and brothers of the same age to play with and the man more or less under control ( her point of course ).  Is the real and undeniable appeal of Islam in the West growing because their family rules are better for families and women in particular?
" One woman  is definitely enough ,I said " reeling from the revelation about the identical 2 gold necklaces . We both  laughed loud enough for most of those in our long carriage to hear us .   She was trying to tell me that the women had it bad,  but I thought the man didn't get out of it easy either .That's marriage for you - not always rational and not always about freedom, but freedom to be and freedom to give your best . Isn't that the sort of freedom that we all need?
Obviously its easy for either side to see the down side of marriage and for our kids to hesitate about taking any sides.( After talking,  I did better see her point about hesitating and breaking off  when relationship things started to get serious because according to her its not " clear" why one should "do it " anyway)

I tried to encourage her to see that faith  was one thing that can make commitment really work- taking things from just the obvious , risky and scary to the edge of the possibly impossible and then onto... the impossible and truly amazing itself . We'd been talking a lot too about how men and women are different and she about how Somalians saw themselves differently from other neighbours . There were years of invasions and cross breeding with Arabs ( rather than Africans ) and all sorts ( my version ) so, as she said , " they were kind of used to saying yes to whomever thought they were in charge at the time". This political and name dropping side to religion, like in Western culture ( but in a different way)  obviously stops many average people taking the radical Jesus and the really radical idea  of a just but loving God seriously. Heavy religious name dropping can just seem to add badly to all the mumbo jumbo - especially the pathetic rationalized  excuse making  and blinkered dismissal of real issues and questions that goes on when religion is only a reason to not think .

Like many young people  , she was tending to see her destiny through the eyes of nature and its limits; Genes , hormones and history. We talked and laughed about testosterone  and adrenalin and,  from my point of view the temptation for girls to see their nature as specifically nurture . Its easy to latch onto one gift or tendency we have and forget the others available and necessary to keep things in balance .  
Men want a role in nurture and its not wise or rational to dismiss the natural differences and diverse potential contributions of male and female ; I said to her that I thought it was the silly simple sexist ideas like  "Its  my job to nurture"  that was turning men away from helping and seeing their potential in parenting,  across the board  . Some silence perhaps .
I moved on to mention that  the book on my seat with a picture of a face with her small nose ( yes we shared that- very typically Somalian ) and my big ears on the front cover, was  a great book updating our understanding of genetics . I showed her the map  of the most likely land bridges that had spread  the human genome across the world . I didn't tell her though that she probably had the most variation in her genome  because she came from where it all started . Such information can prevent you from being humble - always a good thing in my mind... to remain humble that is; Something in me wants to dominate or control though.

I'll finish the story later ......if you ask me too ,.......gotta go for now  . Have a good day

When moms get together , its a Queens symphony

If you haven't seen this -enjoy 

What do you think you will get for mothers day

Oh I wish - yes that would be nice . And that ......

But how about this - Cool lines that your children would take you seriuosly with like

 "I don't have a tissue with me ......just use your sleeve ";

 "Before you go to bed ,throw me the socks you left on the floor.........yeah good for a few more days", 

"Can i finish off the packet of lollies ? Sure I've always said you'd look better with false teeth. 

Got any others ?

Here's some from Jennie

• •  ‎"If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, leave that door wide open behind you! We need fresh air in here."........
    
    "Why go to school and work so hard, when you can watch television all day?"
    
    "Turn up that ipod! How in the world can you hear with it turned so low?"
    
    ."Of course, if everyone is doing it, you should be able to do it too."...
    
    You too can post here too
    
    Hope you have a great mothers day 

Doing the house work

Tis a major coup to get my wife to go out and earn the daily bread - she always has earned more than me, when she's working, so it makes sense now I'm following my career without payment.
What doesn't quite work out though is sharing the sink , especially when she comes home. I know I am supposed to wash and dry and have everything away before she gets home but we have our different ways of doing things and a set of regulations over how many wipes with which cloth is not going to happen - from her side, or mine . I think we're finally working twoards a agreement about where things are supposed to go ( some verbal some grunt some smack and some flack but no written orders, thank you
BUT  we still clash over quality matters in particular . Mum told me the woman is the Queen of the kitchen so if i accept that now , as before , what does that make me? I interpret that as "obedience "(no argument to revise decision)  in an area of territory ( something Saint Paul, Robert Ardrey and I agree on , in theory !) The trouble is I haven't quite taken on her standards . Is she rational about her standards ( lets just leave that one ) She's the umpire here right?
Lets just say that 30yrs of using the magic cupboard is hard to give up, especially when you're saving energy , fat , flavor and time by not scraping off the burnt bits off the frypan every time you use it  .
old habits die hard.
As far as incentive though --for change in her direction goes ( believe me girls it can happen ) putting man on house duty for a couple of weeks may just be enough .
I used to think my cooking was "a big favor" and leaving the dishes till morning - just fine,  but once you PICK UP after every body for all those hours they spread themselves and their belongings across the floors, you realise.................... the house keeper's  day is very long .too long.The job is BEST done BEFORE you go to bed !!!!
You TOO WILL want to wake up to a clean house,  not a dirty one . Job satisfaction--- it's called.

Yes it does mean a lot to her for you to take things back from the table , to empty the dishwasher and to pick up shed items before you crash . Do it

Men never learn,  they say of us - how true . It was over 10yrs ago that sustained activity at the sink by the male of the species was widely advocated as an aphrodisiac . I ignored that advice because a wet tea towel does not turn me on - it still doesn't - now I not only know why, but have the confidence and experience that simply  placing yourself before the altar of sacrifice does work  - sometimes . There are guarantees with grace,  but you have to be patient ! on other question "How do you teach patience to your children "- show em.Is nothing easy?  Have a good day!

Sheri's Healing Flower Garden

Not good at telling stories... I enjoy this lady's special photos taken mainly around her home and her commentary to go with it. Hope you might enjoy them too.
http://sherishealingflowergarden.blogspot.com/

Your stories please

Come on tell us yours ! I am just making a list for later: Climbing up those scoria cones and wondering how the bikes fall without killing somebody; the edge of the elephant ;bureaucracy building on buck passing over branches ;the cool wind of bats wings; meningitis undiagnosed ;a close shave;where to find wildlife- long tails and short ones ;classroom kids talk;

Tough Stony Rise characters

Story below reminds me of some tough people who live in rural areas. If ever I feel ungrateful for the place I live, I only need to think of how hard it can be to make a living out on "The Stones" just west of here. And also how good it is to share with those who have little, because they love to share .
The lava flowed and the ash fell only a few thousand years ago.(much more lava than ash unfortunately !) Despite reasonable rainfall, the higher parts of the landscape have next to no soil and very little of any depth growing on them . Sure you can, like most country, think its God's best ever in the spring, but thinking about that tight growing season on rocks is more than I can bear, especially when most of what grows can be thistles . Oh they are fun .They bulldoze em out now with the biggest bulldozers ever ( another story another time)

I am going to put a picture of one of the houses in here one day soon . Believe me the structures in the picture can explain a lot; it can not only explain why the farmer wants a wife , but also why some farmers never get one.

I have had some lovely cups of tea out there, you know , but never quite like this one . Sis was out there visiting from the city at the time.
Tea was lovely as can be,.. as was the hospital..ity.
She was now calm but ...keen to tell me of her shock ,
The shock she got from simply... filling up the pot.

The water was outside you see, and she'd forgot just where .
She' didn't care, she didn't say, until she'd drunk the lot ,
but to this day i think you'll find
tis from the drinking trough.( cows that is )

Tis true --another later - now where's yours!